What Vicki Did Next in 2015

by Vicki Notaro

Working for magazines for the past seven years, I’ve written enough “New Year, New You” pieces to last me a lifetime. I know that planning to revolutionize your entire existence on January 1st isn’t always the best idea, often leading to disappointment, self-loathing and, let’s face it, the runs from too much juicing. However this year, due more to happenstance than planning, I find myself embarking on a brand new adventure this coming January.

2014 had its high highs and trying lows. On the one hand, I  moved in with the love of my life, got the opportunity to create a brand new national magazine from scratch at the country’s best-selling newspaper, and had loads of fun with the people I adore, both in my beloved Dublin and abroad.

On the other, it wasn’t easy. Nothing really awful happened, and on paper, everything was fabulous. But my confidence had taken a massive nosedive. I’m not sure why really; I should have been on top of the world. Instead I felt worried, panicky, mean-spirited and withdrawn, when I used to be brave, outgoing, bright… sparkly, even. For some reason that’s not entirely clear to me, that all dimmed. I guess I was simultaneously jaded, and terrified that I’d peaked. Impostor Syndrome had taken hold. My body confidence was non-existent, and that affected me more than I care to admit. The whole thing was so frustrating because I’ve been very lucky. So as well as being frightened, I was angry with myself.

I remember MC-ing an inspirational talk, and chatting to the guest speaker when she told me she was all about positive energy and really fed off other people’s vibes. I was suddenly aghast – could she smell the negativity coming off me in waves, like cheap perfume? Was I wrecking her buzz, messing with her mojo? However, it was all in my own head. Nothing in reality was making me feel less-than; I was doing it to myself.

Having realised what was going on, I’m refusing to let it continue. What’s scarier – stultifying because you’re too scared to make a change, or actually feeling the fear and doing it anyway? Yes, I am paraphrasing the title of a self-help book from the Eighties, but that doesn’t diminish the sentiment.

I came to something of a crossroads where I had a choice to make, and decided it was time to do everything I’ve been wanting to do, but putting off. So as of now, I’m embarking on a new adventure! I want to write more, get more into radio and TV, attempt fiction and do things that excite me. I want to look after myself better, get out there, meet more people and be more involved. Yes, going freelance is quite terrifying, but it’s also incredibly exciting. *palpitations*

So, I shall be re-reading this and this for inspiration and to remember how far I’ve come already, approaching my 29th birthday brimming with positivity. Oh, and I’ll resolve to get fitter and lose a chin or two like everyone else, because really, it can’t hurt. 2014, it’s been emotional – now, feck off.

*I’ll be on the John Murray Show on RTE Radio 1 on New Year’s Day from 9am talking all things 2015!*

 

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